Victory or Sovngarde: Priority Derp
by INTIMIDATOR13
Summary: Join "Victory or Sovngarde!" (VoS), a glorious clan of trolls, as they adventure through the terrifyingly violent and hilarious world of Battlefield 3, one block of C4 at a time.


**The following is dedicated to my fellow trolls in my Battlefield 3 clan, "Victory or Sovngarde!", specifically in this episode flavoredbandaid, FlagrantPilgrim, and SWORDSRULE. Enjoy, and thank you for reading.**

"**Victory or Sovngarde! Preferably victory, usually Sovngarde."-SWORDSRULE**

"Intimidator, get your ass back here!" the Metal Gear Online god screamed. How had it come to this, he wondered. How the hell had he fallen so low as to hang out with this collection of idiots? What was he doing, pinned down behind a counter in a storefront on the Bravo objective on Op Metro, a battleground notorious for try-hards, glitchers, and otherwise unpleasant people? The distressed cloth monster pulled the bolt back on his JNG-90 and took another shot at his assailants, doming an engineer who had been dumb enough to poke his head out in an attempted rocket troll. Finally, his insane friend replied to his pleas for backup.

"I'm on my way Swords. Calm down. You've already got Bandaid to help you."

"Intimidator, listen to yourself. Bandaid is fucking useless."

As Swords was replying, Bandaid appeared next to him once again.

"I'm alive again Swords!" the queen of carnage giddily yelled. Her head promptly exploded again, for the fourth time in the past five minutes.

Swords sighed and domed the sniper who had just exposed himself to fire at Bandaid.

"You've really got to stop spawning on me Bandaid. There have been so many sniper rounds fired at that one spot that it's drilled a hole through the wall."

The sniping sword enthusiast was right. Through the hole in the wall, the hellish limbo of the Op Metro glitch was visible, a veritable abyss of nothingness. Though the realm was thankfully sealed off by the gods of DICE, it is said, when all is quiet, during the blessed lulls in the gunfire, one can still hear the screams of butt-hurt noobs, lost in the madness of the glitch forever.

"Ok Swords," Intimidator roared, "Leroy-Jenkins!". Several of Sword's assailants were suddenly perforated in a burst of gun fire, the rest scattering in pants-wetting fear. Such a reaction was natural in the face of a man in jungle camo sprinting at your lines spraying an M60E4 with reckless abandon. Though lacking the finesse that Swords treasured, Intimidator was "shock and awe" incarnate. Taking advantage of the rampant chaos caused by the approach of his comrade, the sniper casually shot a retreating man square in the left ass cheek, bringing new meaning to the term "butt-hurt".

"Thanks Intimidator, but have you ever tried aiming that thing? You did just fire 200 rounds and only kill four guys."

"The Dovahkiin does not aim!" the mad Viking yelled as he continued his pursuit, now joined by Bandaid as she respawned on his position .Tragically, on his way down the stairs, the maniac machine gunner tripped a claymore and exploded.

"God dammit, how am I supposed to keep murdering people if I get interrupted by claymores?" the pyschopath screamed.

"Sorry Intimidator, I'm playing support," replied the Bandaid of many flavors.

"Yep, looks like your screwed man," stated the headshot-er from hell.

"Never fear, Super Medic is here!" rang out another voice, this one positively laden with heroism and justice. Could it be, the legendary doctor of the battlefield, the great combat medic himself? It was! FlagrantPilgrim leapt from behind a nearby ATM, defibrillators at the ready!

"Fear not citizen! Defibs cure all wounds!"

The medic whacked Intimidator with his magic paddles.

"Huh. I feel better now. Thanks Super Medic!"

Swords knew better than to question this kind of shit, but he did anyway.

"Flagrant, where the hell did you come from?"

The daring defib man faced Swords and replied, "One-hundred and ten points Swords. One-hundred and ten points."

Together, the re-united clan of trolls turned to the enemy lines and prepared for their next assault. All at once they cheered "Victory or Sovngarde!"

The End…for now.


End file.
